++ GUIDES ++

 

 

:: IS IT LEGAL? SERIES TWO: OFFICE PARTY ::

 

Originally aired [ ITV 28/11/1996 ]

 

:: WHAT HAPPENS? ::

 

Colin is in Stella's office. He's been stuck doing wills for over a year now and he wants to do more criminal work. Stella isn't overly keen, but Colin tells her he's been contacted by someone in prison inviting him to be his solicitor. Stella gives in and agrees that he can visit the prison, Colin is ecstatic!

 

Darren has been out to buy party stuff for the client meet and greet to be held that evening. He's bought a variety of masks for them to try. Alison picks Daisy Duck, Bob plumps for one of the seven dwarves and Darren opts for a clown mask. Talk turns to last year's meet and greet and how Bob got drunk and ricocheted off the door frame and Darren was sick in the fax machine. Bob remembers how he and his wife Virginia used to throw parties, they had themes and one year it was 'Bring a shovel!' Dick wanders into the office, does a double-take when he sees them all in their masks and asks if they're planning to rob a bank. Darren explains they're for the party and offers him a Klingon mask to wear. Dick comments that it's not really for him this sort of thing and the other tell him he must join in.

 

Colin has arrived at the prison, the sun is shining, guards are waving freed prisoners cheerily on their way and everything is wonderful. Colin's client wants Colin to prove his worth before he takes him on as his solicitor. He tells colin that he can do this by checking up on his wife to make sure she's behaving herself whilst he's inside. Colin isn't certain he can do this, but then his client drops the bombshell that he knows all about Tucker, Colin's In the mooddog, and intimates that Tucker could come to harm if Colin doesn't do what he wants him to!!

 

Later at the office party preparations are in full swing. Stella is looking forward to the party, especially the opportunity to try and get Bryan Whigg into the stationary cupboard. Bob asks if they can all try and curb some of last years excesses, especially how much they have to drink. In Stella's office, Dick is explaining that he can't stay long has he's taking his wife to the Carvery. She's been feeling a little big neglected recently and has told him that their sex life is boring. He's been out and gotten some lingerie on approval and leaves them with Stella to see what she thinks of them.

 

Colin is nervously waiting outside the address that his new client has provided him with. When he does actually make it into the house, he and Mrs Beath get along like a house on fire. They have an in-depth discussion of their favourite movie - The Railway Children - and agree that it's probably the innocence that appeals to them, something her husband isn't big on. Colin wondered why she doesn't leave her husband but she admits that she's too insecure, something Colin knows a great deal about. She asks him to spend the night and Colin agrees!

 

It's the morning after the party. Bob arrives at the office, ricocheting off the door. Alison and Darren arrive, each of them looking very much the worse for wear! None of them can look the other's in the eye. Dick arrives, very cheery, takes one look at them and asks what happened last night, you all look awful! The three of them look very shamefaced and refuse to admit to anything

 

Colin is leaving Mrs Beath's house, anxiously looking over his shoulder all the time as he makes his way to the office. Stella arrives at the office, she looks just as bad as the rest of them. She asks Bob if they all really did do what she thinks they did last night, he says yes. Once inside her office, she finds the lingerie that Dick has left strewn all over. A pair of lacy pants are tied to a balloon on her desk! Colin makes it safely to the office and enquires how the party was, but he's interrupted by his phone ringing. It's his client and he wants to see him now!

 

Dick comes back into the office holding a pair of underpants that he found pinned to the back of his door! Bob says that they're there for 'general office use'. Dick goes to see Stella but she won't tell him what happened last night either, but she does say that she won't be able to walk down the shopping mall in the high street with quite the same feelings as she did before. She leaves to go and get some fresh air and Dick is quickly onto one of his friends in the Police for some security footage from the Shopping mall.

 

Colin arrives at the prison, it's a complete contrast to his previous visit - rain, everyone's miserable and Colin's very scared! He's not able to control his nerves and his client tells him that he needs a solicitor who's a little less barking!

 

Back at the Office and Alison, Bob and Darren still can't face each other. Alison gives Dick a parcel that's arrived for him from his friend at Hounslow Police and he goes back to his office to check out the video. Stella returns, feeling much better after her bit of fresh air. Bob tells her about Dick's video and it suddenly dawns on them what's going to be on it. Dick is in his office watching the tape when the others all rush in. The tape shows them all dancing naked through the shopping mall and Colin comments :"Oh, is this the one where Kirk Douglas traps a group of wild mutants down into an underground lair?" The others mutter that it is :D

 

:: QUOTES? ::

 

Colin: "Stella, I'm unhappy in my work. I've been doing wills for over a year now and I'm finding it a little unexciting."
Stella: "Oh, well I seem to remember some excitement when you told a sobbing Angela Whigg she'd been left 10,000 pants instead of pounds!"

 

Colin: "These men are social misfits, buffeted by misfortune. Quite breathtakingly inadequate."
Stella: "Well, it sounds like you'll get on!"

 

Mrs Beath: "My husband isn't big on innocence."
Colin: "No, he's as big on innocence as a dolphin is big on shoes."

 

Colin: "My last girlfriend left me some time ago."
Mrs Beath: "Why?"
Colin: "Little niggley things. She kept trying to run me over."

 

Alison: "You can't blame last night on rucking."
Bob: "Oh, well, you cast the beam out of your eye before you start to criticise the moat in my eye!"
Alison: "What?!?"
Bob: "You heard!"

 

Stella (talking about her hangover): "Ah, that's better, you know you're on the mend when your hair stops hurting!"

 

:: GALLERY ::

 

 

 

 

 

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