++ GUIDES ++

 

 

:: IS IT LEGAL? SERIES ONE: INFATUATION ::

 

Originally aired [ ITV 10/10/1995 ]

 

:: WHAT HAPPENS? ::

 

Peter is a handsome, young student on placement at the Office as part of his law degree. Everyone he meets is charmed by him...except for Bob.

 

Darren is off with food poisoning. Alison thinks he's just skiving and says that everyone who skives should be birched. Colin points out that under her scheme, she should be birched! He asks if she would like him to birch her - she looks horrified - he asks if she would like Bob to birch her - Bob looks worried and Alison says 'No'. But would she like Peter to birch her?

 

Peter is in Dick's office. Dick is showing Peter how to perfect his putting technique, he gives him a gift of a Nick Faldo doll. Alison sashays into the office, sucking on strands of her hair! She's there to see if Peter would like a coffee. He wouldn't but comments that he's sure she makes a good cup. Alison leaves and collapses against the door on the other side!

 

Sarah arrives with a mustard and brown sugar bap for Bob. She tells him that Mr Bappys isn't doing terribly well and she's worried she'll lose her job. Darren is back at work. He got food poisoning from a fish paste sandwich from Mr Bappy and he's going to sue them! He tells Colin that he's his solicitor - Colin is overjoyed. Bob is distraught. Darren can't sue Mr Bappy now, he'd put them out of business. Darren isn't interested and Colin is too excited about having a case to listen to his concerns.

 

Dick enquires about the office telephone recording system - he missed a racing tip that his friend told him about. Stella gives him the recorder but he pronounces it too technical and asks Bob to sort it.

 

Stella has Peter brought into her office where she proceeds to flirt outrageously. She's also gotten him a gift - a pair of boxer shorts with 'Lawyers make it stand up in court' across the front. Bob is still trying to persuade Darren to drop the case, telling him he hasn't had the happiest of lives and only Sarah brightens his days. Darren ignores him and just wonders how much money he can get in compensation.

 

Back in the office Colin and Alison are singing the praises of Peter when Bob returns. He tells them that Peter is a phony and appeals to Colin again to get Darren to drop the case. He says he's personally bought 100's of baps from there and never had food poisoning, Alison points out that he's never actually eaten any of the baps. Colin and Bob end up fighting on the floor as Bob tries to stop Colin typing a letter to Mr Bappy. Peter interrupts by arriving back with some buns that he's bought from Mr Bappy. He tells them that he made quite an impression on one of the girls there, Sarah. Bob comes close to hitting Peter over the head with a chair on hearing this news.

 

Colin and Darren are running through their case against Mr Bappy. Darren has brought in his vomit stained t-shirt as evidence. Colin is seeking £500 damages from Mr Bappy, Darren is outraged, Peter told him they could get £10k. Colin tells Darren he'd better get Peter to be his solicitor then.

 

Alison arrives back at the office after a shopping spree. She's laden with bags and wearing a completely new slinky outfit. She's also bought Peter a gift - it's a photo frame with a picture of herself and provocatively placed beach ball in it to 'brighten it up'!

 

Dick wants to know if Bob has sorted the phone call out yet with the racing tip, he takes Peter into his office. Bob is sick of them all. He complains to Stella about Peter - "He's poison, please get rid of him!" Stella doesn't know what he's talking about and dismisses his concerns. Sarah arrives at the office, this time she has a bap for Peter. They've arranged to go out later on.

 

Bob calls everyone into the office. He has the tape recorder working and has uncovered a phone call from Darren's mum. In it she tells him that the frozen chicken nuggets she gave him for tea the other day were a year out of date. Also on the tape is a phone call from Peter. He's telling his friends all about the office. He describes Alison as a 'dozy old slapper', Stella as 'a bit like talking to a giggly gonk', Dick as a bore - but he quite likes Bob! Peter leaves sheepishly, Stella hands him his coat, but before he can leave she rips one of the sleeves off. To relieve the awkward situation everyone retires to Dick's office for a large sherry.

 

:: QUOTES? ::

 

Alison:"I think people who skive should be birched."
Stella: "Alison, you think everyone should be birched!"

 

Alison: "Nobody ever really gets food poisoning."
Colin: "You did"
Alison: "Yes, well I was lying!"

 

Dick: "Can I help you with anything?"
Alison: "No, I can suck on my own hair, thanks"

 

Bob: "I haven't led a very happy life. I sometimes think that if happiness was measured in grains of sand, some people would have enough for a dune; most people would have enough for a sand castle. I'd be lucky to have enough to make a serviceable sheet of sand paper."

 

Alison: "You do sort of say things without thinking about them, don't you Colin?"

 

:: GALLERY ::

 

 

 

 

 

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