++ GUIDES ++
:: IS IT LEGAL? SERIES TWO: DICK IN COURT::
Originally aired [ ITV 21/11/1996 ]
:: WHAT HAPPENS? ::
It's National Bring Your Pet into Work day and Bob promised Alison and Darren he'd bring his terrapin in to show them. He hasn't. He didn't think he'd enjoy it and besides, it never really recovered from their trip to Reading. Stella arrives at the office and asks Bob what's happening that day. He has Sarah coming in again to sign a few things, he's already made her come in 8 times this week to sign forms! Stella makes him repeat after her that Sarah doesn't love him. Darren asks Bob wants him to fix him up with his Aunty Lynne!
Colin arrives with his dog, Tucker. He asks them if they want to see Tucker tell the time by barking. Darren suggests the time 2.28 but Tucker hasn't quite mastered the art of time barking. Colin puts Tucker on his office chair. Dick arrives at the office, says good morning to everyone, including Tucker who he addresses as Colin! Dick goes straight to his office where he sets a picnic out on his office floor. Stella is less than impressed and informs him that he will have to appear in court today for her as she's double booked.
Back in the office, Stella sees Tucker sitting on Colin's knee and tells Colin to take Tucker somewhere where he won't interfere with his work. Alison pushes the pair of them into the conference room. Sarah arrives. Bob has decided to go for it and asks her if she'd like a drink to celebrate exchanging contracts on her flat. She accepts and they arrange to meet downstairs at 6. Stella sees Colin playing with Tucker in the conference room - she gets Darren to take Tucker away and look after him downstairs. Bob is planning his evening out with Sarah. He's booking tickets for a show in the West End, but as he hasn't been out much in the past 15 years he asks for Evita When told it's no longer showing he opts for a box at Cats instead. He's trying to hide his plans from Alison which is annoying her greatly.
Stella is explaining the court case she wants Dick to take over, unfortunately he's so inept that she's having to explain even the simplest point of law to him. He tries his best to get out of it saying he's not wearing the right kind of jacket for court but Stella isn't having any of it. Darren's idea of looking after Tucker is to put headphones on him and play really loud music. He then tries to get Tucker to jump through a hoop of fire, but the dog has had enough and runs off out of the office and into the street.
Alison is alone in the office and is sat at Bob's desk, using his computer. Darren comes in and admits to her that he's lost Colin's dog. Bob arrives back at the office and wants to know what Alison is doing. She feigns innocence and walks back to her desk. At his computer, Bob notices one of his documents is open and demands to know how Alison got into it - she correctly guessed his password was 'Bob'. She's printed out the document and begins to read it out loud:
"5.45 - rendezvous with Limo. Tip gypsy violinist to say what a stunning couple Sarah and I make. Then tell Sarah she is the sun, the moon and stars and I'm a pointless piece of orbiting space dust.
6.20 - let gypsy violinist out of limo at chiswick roundabout."
Bob is furious with her -"Let's all laugh at Stella because she wears a purple anorak! Let's smirk at Colin because until recently he had an imaginary friend called Peter! Let's snigger at Bob because he's finally going out with the woman he loves!" Colin interrupts, wanting to know who's looking after Tucker. Darren says that Stella has taken him out for a walk, which Colin doesn't believe because he has Tucker's collar and lead. Darren tells him that Stella is riding Tucker, because she can do that as she's small!
Dick has gone to the wrong court and makes a complete fool of himself! Stella arrives back at the office and Colin wants to know where Tucker is. From the looks the others are giving her, she guesses that something has gone wrong so she tells Colin that Dick has got Tucker. Colin asks if he's riding him too, Stella is a little confused but says that Dick has some twine which he's using as a lead! Bob is on the phone to a joke line, hoping to get some helpful quips for his date with Sarah that evening. Dick arrives back at the office, unlike Stella he doesn't get any of the hints that Alison gives him and denies ever having looked after Tucker. Darren is forced to tell Colin the truth. Colin's distraught. Alison tells him the story of a dog they once had called 'Flees' - because it kept running away - and how one day he ran off and they never saw him again. Colin leaves and Alison comments that the story probably didn't have the ending he was hoping to hear.
Stella goes to see Dick. He's under the impression that his court appearance went pretty well. Stella has had a fax from the Clerk of the Court with a list of things that Dick might like to remember should he appear again:
1. When arriving at Court, don't toss your keys to a policeman and say "Park that for me would you, Policeman!"
2. Don't address the Chief Magistrate as 'My dear girl' or the heavily bespectacled Court Stenographer as 'Old Pebbles there.'
3. Refrain from asking the usher for a sherry during the summing up and when you do make a mistake, refrain from blaming the Home Secretary and calling him that 'shifty little toad!'
Colin is in turmoil without Tucker and reminisces about the good times they shared together. Bob is ready for his big date but the phone rings and it's Sarah - she has a headache and has to cancel. As misery loves company, Bob takes Colin out on the evening he'd planned for him and Sarah instead!
:: QUOTES? ::
Colin: "It's National Bring Your Pets into Work day. Where's everyone's pets?"
Alison: "We don't have one"
Colin: "Awwww. No one got a bunny or a pussy?"
Alison: "No. I'm afraid we think pets are for people who can't get a boyfriend or girlfriend."
Alison: "I hate secretive people. I think they should be made to stand in Trafalgar Square, naked, and shout out their secrets to a big crowd."
Dick: "Listen Stella, I'm really not wearing the right kind of jacket to appear in court."
Stella: "This isn't about the right kind of jacket. This is about whether you want to be thought of as a proper solicitor, or the lush in the big office who has a large lunch and then nods off with a copy of Golf World over his face."
Dick: "Hmmm, run those choices by me again would you?"
Bob: "How did you get into this document?"
Alison: "I guessed your password."
Bob: "How?"
Alison: "It was Bob, Bob!"
Bob: "You live to destroy don't you, Alison?"
Alison: "No. I just get bored."
:: GALLERY ::
Site design and all original content ©KInet 2004-10