++ GUIDES++

 

 

:: COUPLING SERIES ONE ::

 

GO TO : Sally | Episode Descriptions | Quotes | Links

 

 

 

:: SALLY ::

 

What does Kate have to say about her character?

 

"She’s probably a perfectly decent person who’s reached a crisis point in her life and her true character is beginning to surface. She’s full of angst and fear about age and mortality and showing up all the worst traits of womanhood in obsessing about looks. Sally is deeply unrealised and a victim of her own obsession. She may be unkind to other people but she’s a victim of her own low self image." - BBC press kit

 

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:: EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS::

 

 

 

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:: QUOTE/UNQUOTE ::

 

FLUSHED

 

Sally: "So, back on your own again, eh? Back out there."
Patrick: "You're smiling at me. I don't think I've ever seen that!"
Sally: "You're a single man now, you qualify for my elasticity."
Patrick:"Is that as good as it sounds?"

 

Sally: "What if he's your last ever man? What if you've used up all your goes? Remember, every morning your face has slipped a little bit more. Since 30 I've had to put a daily limit on facial expressions. I only ever smile at single men so I can justify the loss of elasticity."

 

Susan: "Sally, does it ever occur to you that age brings greater wisdom and confidence?"
Sally: "Susan, age brings you more to shave!"

 

Sally: "Mary Kelly thinks you're a complete idiot!"
Patrick: "Then why does she keep looking at my arse when we're talking?"
Sally: "She's lip reading!"

 

Susan: "Ok, so let me guess, you asked him out the moment I dumped him? Sally, you don't even like him!"
Sally: "I panicked! My neck looked old this morning!"

 

SIZE MATTERS

 

 

Sally: "A motor show?"
Patrick: "Yes. I thought we could go together. You like cars right? Everybody likes cars."
Sally: "Would this be a date?"
Patrick: "I'm sorry?"
Sally: "I'd love to go Patrick, but strictly as your friend"
Patrick: "What do you mean 'friend' exactly?"
Sally: "I wouldn't be your date, I'd be your friend"
Patrick: "No, still not with you."
Sally: "Ok, let's take this slowly. What do you call someone you go out with but your don't try to sleep with?"
Patrick: "Men?"
Sally: "Now, since I'm only a friend date, do you want to take this ticket back and get an upgrade?"
Patrick: "Hey, no! We can go as this 'friends' thing."
Sally: "I'm never going to sleep with you Patrick, ever, ever, ever!"
Patrick(takes ticket back): "Ok!"

 

Sally: "You know what 'I'll cook' says? It says 'Let's have sex!'"
Susan: "No, that would be 'Come and spend the night with me.'"
Sally: "'Come and spend the night with me' says 'Let's have sex.' 'I'll cook' says 'Let's have sex and I'll cater!'"
Susan: "Sally!"
Sally: "Susan, you are offering this man food and sex in the same place! If there's something to read in the loo he may never leave!"

 

Susan: "Would you consider a naked man in socks?"
Sally: "I would consider anything except animals and tories."

 

Susan: "Some men are born lucky. Some men are born very lucky."
Sally: "What was Patrick born?"
Susan: "A tripod."
Sally: "You let me dump a tripod? You bitch!"

 

Susan: "What happened to personality, verve, humour?"
Sally: "Sod them! After all the men I've been out with I deserve a full-sized one!"

 

SEX, DEATH AND NUDITY

 

 

Sally: "Patrick, I'm a career Beautician. I have devoted my life to the fight against aging. A funeral is like the Head Quarters of aging, it'd be like James Bond going into the SPECTRE control centre! I'd be recognised."

 

Sally: "Trust me, death is the best argument for moisturiser."
Patrick: "You can't prevent death with face cream!"
Sally: "Yeah, that's what everyone thinks, but no one's ever used it in the quantities I do."

 

Sally: "Look at my neck! Look at the under hang of my jaw. No way is that a 40-year-old under hang."
Old woman: "Yes, it's getting a bit segmented. That's how it starts you know."
Sally: "Don't touch me! I'm full of moisturiser you might drain it all off!"
Old woman: "What?"
Sally: "It'd be like rain on a desert, it'd all get sucked away, you'd probably reflate!"

 

Sally: "Susan, this is awful!"
Susan: "What's happened?"
Sally: "I'm getting older and I'm going to die! I knew this would happen if I came to a funeral!"

 

INFERNO

 

Sally: "You know, I've never understood the whole male obsession with lesbianism. Whole area of sex with nothing for them to do...Just answered my own question haven't I?"

 

THE GIRL WITH TWO BREASTS

 

 

Sally: "Her eye's will be the first to go. She'll crease them with all that smiling. She'll have crunchy, squinty eyes like an Australian. Or an unmarried Aunt."

 

Sally: "A woman's breasts are a journey. Her feet are the destination."
Jane: "You say such horrible things. Do her neck now!"
Sally: "It's all part of a talk I give at my salon for women who've just turned 30- 'Gravity - this time it's personal!'"

 

Sally: "Bet she doesn't lie on her bed and fill her armpits."
Susan: "Sally, in case you didn't realise, you said that out loud!"

 

Sally: "No, not Jeff! But she's not meant for a guy like Jeff! He's supposed to have someone plump and organised, healthy looking but mottled. Probably called Joan or Frida. All chunky jackets and hill walking and they'll get married and she'll get bulky and I'll just seem prettier and prettier!"
Susan: "Sally, still out loud!"

 

THE CUPBOARD OF PATRICK'S LOVE

 

Sally: "This isn't fair, I was gonna have Patrick! Now, you're having Patrick and she's had Patrick lots of times. I'll be the only one who hasn't been Patricked!"
Jane: "You're the only one who hasn't been Steve-ed"
Sally: "Ah Jane, Steve's nice but Patrick's enormous. It's like scientists crossed a donkey with a pole vaulter!"

 

Sally: "I could never have sex with another woman. What if she had a smaller bottom?"
Susan: "Excuse me! I have a crisis here way above bottoms on the crisis scale!"
Sally: "We're women. There is nothing above bottoms on the crisis scale! Bottoms are our natural enemy. They follow us around our entire lives, right behind us and constantly growing. How do they do that? I'm sure mine's back there secretly snacking!"

 

Sally: "Now, when I eventually sleep with Patrick, I'll be older. I could've stayed forever young in the cupboard of Patrick's love. I'm going to have to do him really soon before my bottom takes over my entire body!"

 

Sally: "You mean Patrick's got technique? He's pole vaulter donkey man AND he's got technique? That's not just a hopeless dream!"


 

 

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