++ GUIDES ++

 

 

:: IS IT LEGAL? SERIES TWO: ALISON GETS LAID::

 

Originally aired [ ITV 7/11/1996 ]

 

:: WHAT HAPPENS? ::

 

Stella and Dick are walking to their cars. Stella asks Dick what he has planned for this evening. He replies 'the usual' - dinner with the wife, try to remember the kid's names and then round the evening off with a sherry and golf's biggest bloomers video. Stella thinks that that maybe she's getting old, but they all seemed quite sweet at the office today. No sooner do the words leave her mouth than she has to yell at Darren who is using the roof of a car as a bike stand. Bob's having trouble with his car, but then he has trouble with most things. Alison walks past them laden down with shopping bags. Stella comments that Alison's shoplifting course has paid off. Alison says that she's going to a new club so she needed new clothes. This prompts Stella to reminisce about her own clubbing days which weren't that brilliant. She always ended up in the ladies peeling bits of plaster of her heels and the best part was getting home to tuck into leftover bread pudding. This is all lost on Alison so she leaves to go to her car. As she reaches her car she notices 'We hate Stella' painted on the wall in front of her.

 

The next day in the office, Colin is doing the coffee rounds and trying everyone's patience by reciting the mugs available for each person to choose from. When he tries the same thing with the buns on offer the others are ready to lynch him. Stella arrives, soberly dressed. She's informs them that she's having a picnic that Saturday lunchtime and would like them all to come. They're all quick off the mark with their excuses; Darren has football, Bob has to mow his wife's lawn, Colin is taking Tucker to the pet psychiatrist and Alison - "Well, you wouldn't want to go on a picnic with just me would you?" Stella wouldn't, looking dejected she retreats to her office. Darren remarks that his bun looks like a bottom, they all laugh but as soon as Stella steps into the office they stop. The same thing happens again and Stella is worried.

 

Bob sighs. He has a meeting with Sarah and her boyfriend and it will be painful for him. He'll have to leave his personal feelings at the door. Stella calls Colin into her office, she wants to know whether anyone likes her because she doesn't want to stay there if everyone hates her! Stella is upset that they don't see her as 'a bun sort of person' and hates the fact that she's not on the bun distribution list. She asks Colin to see whether the others like her and report back to her. Sarah arrives with her boyfriend, Tom. He and Bob get off on the wrong foot. Bob asks if he'd like a drink and Tom jokingly asks for a beer. Bob isn't in the mood for jokes and insists on sending Darren out for a bottle of 'lager beer'! They go to the conference room where Bob takes them through the minutiae of conveyancing. Tom is nearly asleep and when asked for his opinion on a matter he comments "Sorry, slipped into a coma there briefly!" Bob is in no mood for jokes and he gets Tom a cushion and makes him rest his head on it! Colin is doing the rounds trying to find out whether anyone likes Stella. Darren says that he hates her, she once pulled out one of his fingernails. In order to get rid of Colin, Darren tells him to tell Stella whatever he likes. On his way out of the basement, Colin notices Darren's voodoo doll of Stella.

 

Bob sees Sarah and Tom out of the office. As Tom leaves, he and Alison share a look. Alison tells Bob to pull himself together and not to worryabout Tom, he doesn't love Sarah. Colin and Bob want to know how she knows this. Alison tells them that one of the little signs is that he had his legs close together and turned away from Sarah - she doesn't really turn him on. Bob and Colin both realise that they're sat facing Alison with their legs apart and quickly turn away from her and cross their legs! Alison tells them that Tom wants to sleep with her, she can get any man into bed, she likes a challenge.
Colin: "I bet you couldn't get me..."
Alison: "It has to be someone I don't feel sorry for."
Alison bets Bob that she could get Tom into bed and he wouldn't want to go back to Sarah after that. Bob risks 80p on the bet thinking that Alison will refuse, but she accepts!

 

Colin asks Dick if he likes Stella. Dick tells Colin that he respects Stella. They go back a long way. He remembers when she first started at the office and always brought sandwiches wrapped in silver foil for her lunch. One day, Colin's father soldered the foil together and it took Stella 8 minutes to get into her sandwiches. Colin doesn't find this very amusing and Dick comments that "It was the 70's. Humour was in its infancy." Bob is dying to know if Alison has slept with Tom yet but she won't tell him. Colin brings in the morning coffee and buns - but this time he has a bun for Stella too. He's still trying to get them to admit to liking Stella, even pleading with Alison but none of them will relent. In her office, Stella wants to know how Colin's got on, but warns him not to lie because when he lies his ears go a deep shade of red so it's either tell the truth or wear a substantial balaclava. Colin says that they'd rather walk on hot coals or on sticky-up nails than have her feel unloved or unwanted. She thanks him and asks him to tell everyone that she's moved the picnic to Sunday so they can all come.

 

Alison takes a phone call, it's Tom. She tells him that she's not interested as she has a boyfriend. Bob is horrified to find out that she actually went through with the bet, how can he face Sarah? Alison says that Tom would've dumped Sarah anyway, he's that type. Sarah arrives at the office and in the Conference Room she tells Bob that Tom has dumped her. She cries and Bob tries his best to comfort her.

 

On Sunday, Stella and Colin are waiting in the park for the others to arrive. On the other side of the park, the others are waiting for them! It transpires that Colin made the arrangements and after a failed attempt at singing 'London's Burning', they all leave.

 

:: QUOTES? ::

 

Stella: "What do you like about me?"
Colin: "I like that you're probably the best solicitor in Hounslow for personal injury claims."
Stella: "Thanks, maybe I can have that engraved on my tombstone."
Colin: "Would you not want something a bit more solemn?"

 

:: GALLERY ::

 

 

 

 

 

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