++ GUIDES :: COUPLING SERIES TWO++

 

 

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THE MAN WITH TWO LEGS

 

Patrick: "OK. There's one thing I don't get here. You've seen this woman on the train and you found her attractive, right?"
Jeff : "Yeah"
Patrick: "And you haven't had sex with her?"
Jeff: "No"
Patrick: "You see my problem?"

Steve: "You can't call it love yet! What do you call it when you get to know the front of her head as well as the back?"
Patrick: "Breakfast?"

Patrick (to Susan): "Davina McCall's arse. Pert or lush?"
Steve: "Or to put it another way. Hello!"

Patrick: "So Sally, Liam's certainly been doing some lovely things to your bottom."

 

 

MY DINNER IN HELL

 

Patrick: "I went out with a girl once who made a sculpture of, you know, Junior Patrick. She said it was her best ever model. She said she'd never had so much room for the battery compartment."
Steve: "Battery compartment? In a sculpture?"
Patrick: "Yeah, I always meant to ask her about that."

Patrick: "I don't believe it! I've been sold! She's sold me as a sex aid!!"

 

 

HER BEST FRIEND'S BOTTOM

 

Patrick: "I dated twins once for a month."
Jeff: "Right, exactly and what happened when they found out?"
Patrick: "When they found out? There were working me in shifts! I was in a three-some and didn't even know it. I was exhausted! I kept wondering when she ate, when she slept, why she kept changing her name."

Patrick: "Hey, now look you guys, you two may have a subconscious but let me tell you, there's nothing going on in my head!"

 

 

THE MELTY MAN COMETH

 

Patrick: "If I don't like a woman, if there's no chemistry, if I'm not attracted to her, then I don't lead her on. I just get out of there."
Sally: "Really?"
Patrick: "Every time. Before she even wakes up."
Sally: "So you do have sex with them then?"
Patrick: "Well, there's no reason to be cruel is there?"

Patrick: "There is no connection between my dick and my brain!"

Patrick: "I'm not impotent! You can't call me impotent!"
Sally: "Well, what do you normally call it when you stop being able to have sex?"
Patrick: "I don't know, a relationship?"

Patrick: "Sally, there are some words you just don't say to a man, they're too technical, like commitment or cervix."

 

 

JANE AND THE TRUTH SNAKE

 

Patrick:"A relationship is a loving bond between two people and a three-some can take the edge of that."

Patrick: "OK. Three-some. Three in a bed. Giant breast octopus. Take me now!"

 

 

GOTCHA!

 


Patrick:"I'm sorry, Steve. You've been with Susan for a year now, either you think you've got a future or you should just get married."

 

DRESSED

 

Patrick:"This guy, Ivan, I see him at conferences and stuff. He's the same level as me but we're always competing; cars, office size, toilet breaks"
Susan:"Toilet breaks?"
Patrick: "I can retain for 7 more hours than he can."

Patrick: "I'm 33, single, with neat hair, even I think I'm gay!"

Patrick:"I didn't know he had a blonde! I needed a blonde! You were my first choice for pretend wife, you're just not blonde enough!"
Sally: "Do you think I want everyone to think I'm some mad lonely desperate woman?"
Patrick: "Of course you don't. It's just bad luck."

 

 

END OF THE LINE

 


Jeff: "How many french bitches can there be?"
Patrick: "7"
Jeff: "What?"
Patrick: "In my experience."

 

 

 

 

 

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